I think we are all well aware that social media doesn’t accurately depict anyone’s real life. As much as I want to be open about what’s actually going on in my life, I do find myself aiming to look “Pinterest perfect”. I want to appear like I have everything figured out. That my life is scoring a 10/10 for anyone judging it. (In reality no one is paying attention to what I’m doing.)
August was a big month for me because I welcomed my first child to the world. I love him unconditionally. Well, I love him except for when he’s waking up every 2 hours at night. I know he’s perfectly capable of sleeping for longer stretches of time which makes it frustrating. Obviously, I’m being dramatic and I love him during those late night feedings. But it doesn’t mean I don’t nurse in as little light as possible and try my hardest to not lose my “sleepiness”. I’ve had people comment on how I’m a natural mother, or how easy I made my pregnancy look. I appreciate those sentiments. I did have it easy and I do have an easy baby. However, I’m tired. I’m trying to remember if I showered just like any new mom.
Something else people compliment me on is my relationship. They have nothing but good things to say about what they see in regards to me and Zack. I will be the first person to tell you I hit the jackpot when it comes to finding my forever. This man came to every single doctors appointment, cooks dinner every night we’re home, cleaned the cat litter while I was pregnant, rubs my feet… I could go on forever but you get the idea. All of this greatness doesn’t mean we don’t have our ups and downs though.
When I first found out I was pregnant, we thought we could do it all. Have the wedding we were planning, the baby, and move. Well two months later the wedding was put on hold because well, the other two couldn’t be. I was never a girl that day dreamed about her perfect wedding so it had taken me a long time to figure out everything I wanted. It was heartbreaking to say goodbye to all that planning. It was heartbreaking to say goodbye to the picture I had in my head of Zack staring at me in my dream dress. It put a strain on our relationship for weeks. Zack was upset that he couldn’t give me everything I wanted. I was upset because I don’t handle change well. I felt like life was spiraling out of control.
Luckily, we’ve found a solution that works for us and will be having a scaled down wedding in the near future. We have handled becoming new parents and are in the process of looking for a new place to live. Any of these three things are enough end a relationship but we’ve made it through. Again, it hasn’t been perfect like our pictures and posts may have made it seem. But it has made us stronger. I’m sure if I hadn’t written it here, no one would’ve thought any of that was going on behind the scenes.
I find myself playing the comparison game all the time. I find myself wondering why people that say they’re friends seem to just want to compare their success to mine. I find myself comparing my now to theirs. The point is many of us are striving to be excellent. We live in a time where you can’t falter for fear of looking like a failure. Well, you know what I fail every day but I learn from it. I succeed every day and I learn from that too. So let’s all be honest; let’s all admit that none of us know what the f$#*k we’re doing 😘.